I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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