The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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