i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
