if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
