seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
My mind doesn't wanna day drink but my heart does.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
