some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
