allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
