ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
