I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize
