I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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