Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
Randomize
