Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
