i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
