Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
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