Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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