its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
