When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
