see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
