thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
There's even glitter on my cock...
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