Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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