Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize