Me. At least after what I've been through.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
