I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
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