I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
