omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Randomize
