It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
forgot to tell you your neighbor walked out of her house this morning just as I was leaving shirtless
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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