just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Barsexuality is the new black.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
