porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
