The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
and those juicy C cups turned out to be oddly-shaped A's when her padded bra came off.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
