why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I think my moral compass just broke
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Randomize
