If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
