I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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