Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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