laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
