i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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