You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Randomize
