Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
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