I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
