I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize