I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
