It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
