There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Randomize
