there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
