Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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