I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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