i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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