oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Farmville is her only friend.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
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