So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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