She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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