He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
why do cheetos always look like penises
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
You need a sexual gate keeper
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
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