I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
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