it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
