I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
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