Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize