got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
