im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
