I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
