i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Can you bring me the toilet please
They have beer where we have blood.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
