are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
