Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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