I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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