You can't special order awesome
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
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