the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
