i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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