im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
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