Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
