I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
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