dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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